Circle of Remembrance

MD Day 2004   

This year our luncheon took place at the Skirball Cultural Center in Los Angeles.  We had a great turn out, heard Hope Edelman speak, got to meet new motherless daughters as well as connect with our friends from the past.  From the location, to the food, to the women, it was a perfect event. 

The first year I attended the event was in 2002. I organized Motherless Daughter's Day l997 but was unable to be there, due to the fact that I had given birth only 2 days prior.  It wasn't until 2002 that I was able to organize and take part in the event. It was a transforming experience to be in a room full of women who knew exactly what it feels like to be motherless.  On the one hand, it was an extremely sad place to be, and on the other it was healing.  There is peace in knowing that you are not alone and a certain sense of understanding you feel being surrounded by women who “get it”.  It’s so hard going through life without Mom and the only people who can understand that, really, are other motherless daughters.  All my friends still have their mothers and most of the time they even forget that mine died.   

After attending Motherless Daughter's Day for the first time, and following the “Circle of Remembrance” ceremony,  I wondered why I was there. I felt so sad after the circle and missed my Mom that much more.  Then as time passed, and now two more events have occurred, I realize that this day isn’t just for me, but it’s also for my Mom.  From wherever she is now, I know she feels honored that I’m taking time out to remember her.  There wasn’t any of that growing up.  She died and then it was just on with life.  A new mom entered within 1 ½ years and there was almost never talk of my real mom. There were no pictures up and no more trips to the cemetery. She was dead and it was time to go on with life.  I know that there is no perfect way to grieve but acting like she didn’t exist did her such a disservice.  After all, she gave me life and raised me until I was seven, and for that she will always be the most important person (even in her absence) in my life.   

This year’s event fell on my son’s seventh birthday.  I’m having that same feeling I had before I turned 33; my Mom was 32 when she died.  I was seven when she died and now that my son has reached that age I’m sure every headache, chest pain, pimple, etc. is going to be fatal.  If I make it through this year alive, and my son turns eight, I will look forward to seeing you all next year. I'd also like to express a heartfelt thank you to all those who helped make this event such a success. 

(L to R: Cami Black (Motherless Daughters of Orange County), Hope Edelman,

Roni Petersen (Motherless Daughters of Ventura),

Irene Rubaum-Keller (Motherless Daughters of Los Angeles)