An Innocent Question

Someone recently asked me, "How old was your mom when she went through menopause?"  An innocent question, but it cut like a knife.  My mom was thirty-two when she died.  She never got close to going through menopause. So, what do you say?  "She died young and never went through it." But then you get the inevitable, "Oh, I'm sorry".  Well meaning, but sometimes you just don't want to hear it.  If I answer, "I don't know", they may say, "Well, why don't you ask her?"  Again, an awkward moment.

These and other innocent questions occur throughout our lives.  They remind us of what we've lost.  I have no idea when to expect to go through menopause because there's no female family member ahead of me blazing the trail.  I didn't know if my son would be born early or late because I couldn't ask my mom about my birth.  While other women are going out to lunch and shopping with their mothers, we're trying to figure out how to answer questions like, "Where's your mom?".  It doesn't seem at all fair.

"My mom's dead" is a definite conversation stopper, but often it's the only possible response.  Sometimes people try to be positive and say, "Well, look how great you turned out anyway" or, "Look how many other motherless daughters you've been able to help".  

The truth is, losing your mom at an early age is the worst.  Although we live on and some of us go on to do great things, I haven't met one of us who wouldn't trade it all to have her back.